Bath. Just the very word conjures up indulgent feminine
fantasies and decadence of the highest order.
At the end of a long day (especially a long winter day in the
Northeastern region of North America) who amongst us isn’t instantly seduced by
the luscious prospect of sinking into a wonderland of fragrant suds, steeped in
golden candlelight, while indulging in a glass of sinfully rich
something-or-other? If that doesn’t sound good, then you might be
one of the unfortunate and under- nourished souls still carrying around
memories of bad or boring bath-time blues. Perhaps
you have permanent phantom sensations of mom scrubbing too hard behind the
neck, or nightmarish memories of being forced to share tub space with a wee sibling,
only to find that they were actually wee little wee-ers ( and sometimes poopers),
in the tub while you were innocently trying to play with your My Little Ponies. Or, perhaps you are a victim of the vile and
inane rantings of a “shower freak”, i.e. someone who is afraid of taking a bath
because they think it’s dirty. You can
identify them immediately because they spout silly phrases that smack of the
following ideology: “you can never
really get clean in a bath” or “Why would you want to soak in your own dirt?” To those under-gratified germaphobes, I will
admit that if you’re talking about taking a soak in the local community tub at
your gym, then yes, that might warrant a second thought (in general, but
especially in flu season). However,
we’re talking about your own tub. Really? You can’t take a dip in your own
tub? How
dirty do you believe you are, exactly?
Do you imagine that you’re so unreasonably grubby that the water of your
bath would turn brown the minute you touched it? This is highly doubtful. If that is the case (EWWW and stuff) I have a
solution for you: Bathe more,
not less!
That
being said…
Showers are great. They are time-efficient and get the job
done….but there is a time and a place. A shower is no replacement for a bath,
as they serve entirely different purposes. If you have exactly twenty minutes
to get out the door in the morning and you wake up smelling like frog poo, then
yes, a shower is your best bet. If
you’re especially stinky or gross because you’ve been working up a totally feminine and
goddessified glisten whilst kicking in some teeth at your local fight club, wrangling alligators, or mud-wrestling etc (or if you’re just a lazy skuzz-bucket who
never cleans your bathroom) then by all means shower down as a preemptive…but then wipe out your tub till it sparkles,
fill it with divinely decadent and delicious
things and prepare to swoon. If you’re
still hesitant and worried about the dirt factor, try it anyway. I give you my personal guarantee that unless
you are living in a leper colony, you won’t die from spontaneous bath-dirt, especially
if you scrub your tub first. ( If you
scrub your tub and you don’t live in
a leper colony, and you still see dirt or feel dirt and germs,
then that’s called paranoid schizophrenia,
which I incidentally believe that all shower freaks have, but is not today’s topic. Seek help though, because you’re ruining other
people’s bath time with your loony ravings about invisible dirt.)
It’s
also worth mentioning that, historically speaking, bathing is rarely just about
being clean (although that is clearly the practical application.) At its most opulent and irreverent, bathing
is about luxury, beauty, romance, hedonism and sex, all of which are awesome. At its most sparkly and holy, bathing is
about spiritual cleansing, connection to the divine, self-care, healing and
sex, all of which are awesome. It’s safe
to say that, whether the intentions behind a particular bath are clean or
dirty, bath-time is always sacred. It is
time taken out of ordinary time to slip into the realm of enchantment. It is
time where nobody gets to bother you or talk to you, time where you get to
escape into a world of no to-do list, no kids, no work, no roommates, no
significant others (different bath, different blog) and no reason to think
about anything other than how awesome bathing is. Or…just…how awesome anything else that’s
awesome is, that doesn’t involve you having to give energy to something that’s
not awesome. The whole point of bathing is rejuvenation, whatever that means to
you. So when you step into a bath, make
the commitment to yourself not to think about anything draining (no pun
intended) for however long you’re in there.
The health benefits of bathing have long been
documented. If you’re curious about
those documentations, check out the turn-of-the-century book on the subject entitled
The Curative Effects of Baths and Waters
by author Julius Braun. I haven’t
actually read it, but it’s what came up when I was Googling to see if there
were any books on bathing and health. Plus you can download it for free… I
think… Anyway, according to more modern sources, current
belief around bathing is that it is great for the muscles, skin and lungs,
relaxing for the mind and rejuvenating for the spirit. This is partially due to the fact that when we
are submerged in water, we weigh nothing; therefore all pressure is taken off
of the joints, bones and organs. Bathing
also improves lymphatic drainage, mood, sleep, calms hyperactivity in children,
hyper-anxiety in everyone, and generally gives everything from tums to bums a
good healthy glow. Bathing is also wonderful for the social life.
It has not only been touted as a healthy activity, but also as community
builder, (i.e. the bathhouses of Rome, Greece, Russia and Japan). This practice is still seen today in quite a
number of cultures, including western culture (via hot-tubbing) and is a way to
foster intimate communications and conversations while remaining in a relaxed,
enjoyable atmosphere.
Bathing has also been the fixation of artists and
voyeurs across the board. Paintings and stories throughout different
cultures and time periods all tell great tales of gods and goddesses, as well
as mortals, luxuriating in their various bathing oases. From Degas’s
bathing beauties and Waterhouse’s nymphs, to the mermaids and maidens of
Botticelli, Raphael and Renoir, images of bathing have captivated imaginations
worldwide, evoking sensuality, mystery, mischief and lusty play. Spiritually speaking, every religious icon
from Aphrodite to Jesus has rocked the concept of the bathtub in such a way,
that people line up in droves to bath in their names via bathhouses and
baptisms. To drive the point home to all
the shower devotees out there, when the God Zeus fell in love with Princess Danae,
he appeared to her in the form a “golden shower” (yup) in order to seduce her.
A bit kinky for a virgin princess’s first time, n’est pas? It’s
not just horny gods and beautiful princesses being referenced here by the way,
because I’ve heard that plenty of people pee in the shower. However, nobody pees in the bath unless
they’re under the age of four. So I ask you, shower- freaks, are showers really
cleaner? Hmmm?
The
point, ladies (and gents for that matter) is that there is no logical reason to
miss such an elegant pleasure, such an affordable and affable treat, as a
bubble-filled soak in zero gravity warmth. There is no excuse not to take the
time to yield to something as available, sumptuously luxurious and adjective-sodden
as your own bathtub. The best part is,
you don’t need to have a huge budget, or huge bathtub. If you long to feel like a queen, but have
the purse of a milkmaid, then the bathtub is your destination for the perfect
fix. Living in a house with no tub? Rubbermaid makes giant storage containers
that will suit just fine (some are even wider and deeper than average bathtubs!
It’s weird, but it serves the purpose!) While you’re at the hardware store (or
wherever) grabbing your new tub, also grab a few feet of
PVC piping. Depending on where you plan
to stick your tub, it can be more easily filled by placing one end of the pipe
at the mouth of the sink faucet, and aiming the other end into the tub, thus
directing the water flow and temperature as if it were a bath faucet. From space.
There’s
also no need for pricy bath products; just get creative. In
fact, some of the most lavishly sensuous bath products on the market are
available in your own kitchen. Like
oranges? Throw the peels in your bathwater for a bright smell that will chase
the winter blues away. Aside from that, orange oil is excellent for the skin
and is a natural mood enhancer. (If
don’t have the budget for organic oranges, then just make sure you wash the
rind with a good dish soap to get the pesticides off…or at least mostly off). As a matter of fact, all kinds of things have
been used in baths throughout the ages and throughout different parts of the
world. These include but are not limited to: chocolate (rejuvenating and skin
tightening), wine, vodka, sake (all of
which are detoxifying to the pores and make them appear smaller) , milk
(especially whole, purported to be deeply moisturizing and anti-aging) tea (black and green are both anti-microbial,
anti-fungal and anti-aging), fruit, flowers, essential oils, salts, crystals,
coffee (detoxifying and anti-aging) , oats (typically colloidal oats, sooths
irritated skin), various herbs, rinds and oils (coconut, olive etc.) Not to mention the endless selection of
bubbly things. On a weirder note, and just for the sake of
being gross-yet-educational in the name of bath time, the psychopathic
Hungarian countess, Lady Elizabeth Bathory (coincidence? ), was told that bathing in the
blood of virgins would keep her young. Her obsession resulted in the death of nearly
eight-hundred documented noble-born girls, and an unknown death toll of peasant
girls (as they were peasants, therefore not human, therefore not worth
documenting). Apparently nobody sent the Countess the memo about green tea…
which incidentally is also great for the bath! Blood isn’t, though. It’s just gross. It’s
also illegal, so…no blood. (As a point of interest: This freakish Lady was the inventor of the
original iron maiden…but I digress.)
Of course, if you have the means and you want
to drop fifty bucks on high-end bath products, make sure to put your dollar
where it counts. Spend on products with virtually no chemicals, preservatives,
sulphites, sulphates or parabens or artificial gunk. Each pore of our skin
(scalp included) is like a tiny little mouth that sucks up everything we put on
it, including chemicals found in lotions, toners, make-up, toothpaste etc. Those chemicals are then directly fed into
our bloodstreams, which then causes bad things to happen to our body chemistry
on multiple levels. Sure, it might cost a couple dollars more for the natural
stuff, but better to pay more for organic and natural products…and save on
potential future hospital bills from chemical poisoning and cancer! If you’re someone who eats a totally whole
and organic diet, but you’re still using artificial bath products, you can bet
your stylish-yet-affordable boots that you’re still getting a chemical OD. If
you have the money to spare, I suggest taking your sweet self over to the
nearest LUSH store. These people not
only have very fine and globally-minded ethics, but their bath products are all vegitarian (from
testing to taking it home) and the smells are knock-your-bloomers-off
scrumptious! Some of their stuff is even priced peasant style…their bath bombs
and bubble bath macaroons are ridiculous and can be used multiple times. Five
bucks = five baths worth of yumminess. If
you don’t have a LUSH around, you can order their stuff online. If you simply can’t get to LUSH, then high-tail it to your nearest
health food store and look for brands such as Dessert Essence, Weleeda,
Aubrey, Eco-Bella, Love and Toast
and a number of other delectable lines that smell like a tropical paradise
rolled up in cake. Who the heck wouldn’t want to bathe in that?! (By the way…I
am totally NOT being paid to endorse these products, I just really love them. I also firmly believe that beauty doesn’t need
to cost lives; either the lives of animals through horrid testing practices, or
the lives of people by chemical poisoning.
Endorsing the torture of living creatures for cosmetics (or really for
any reason) is the opposite of beautiful, in my humble opinion. So when choosing the things you put on your
lovely self, choose wisely and with compassion. Even if you’re flat broke,
there are plenty of cruelty free and chemical free options that cost the same
(and in some cases even less) than the mainstream brands, and have a positive
impact on personal and planetary health.
Almost
as much fun as the bath itself is creating the proper bath atmosphere. No goddess or mermaid would be caught dead
bathing in bad lighting. In the context
of this post, baths are largely about beauty , after all. If you have horrid
florescent lighting in your bathroom, then light a few candles and some incense,
turn the light off and voila! Instant
magic! By the way, if you’ve never
observed your naked self, spanking pink from a hot bath and lit by candles,
then I highly recommend it as a way to instantly feel instantly awesome! If you are in a situation where you can’t
have candles, then a strand of Christmas lights will do, and if you can’t
afford that, then the dollar-a-dozen little fake candles will do. On the other end, if you want to get totally
elaborate and have the means or the creativity (or both) then your BATH-room
can become a permanent haven. Hanging
plants, fresh flowers, fountains, rubber-duckies, crystals, tapestries, stereo,
mirrors, multiple candles, decorations, paintings, vases full of awesome
sparkly things, the possibilities are endless...and endlessly lovely. So go ahead. Take
some sacred time for yourself to indulge in pure pleasure for pleasure’s
sake. Disrobe of your queenly attire,
don your mermaid tail and dive into your tub… and may all the goddesses bless
you in your endeavors!
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