Monday, April 9, 2012

Interview with Mardi Love


Mardi Love Interview
This in an interview with Mardi Love on June 20th, 2011

By Caitlin Waltzer
Ladies and Gents  I present to you the illustrious Miss Mardi Love…


CW:    Who is the strongest woman you know?

ML:   That I know personally?  Well…I’d have to think that through a bit. Does this thing (recording device) have a time limit? (Laughs).  I mean for me it begins to group into traits from a bunch of women I know that are totally amazing. Whether they’ve been just going through it (stressful times) with a partner, or going through childbirth, or owning businesses. I could say my old boss Victoria Lark is one of the strongest women I know,   or my Grandma, who went through really mean times and came through it, or women who have lost children, or women who are amazing performers or amazing musicians.  Whether I could actually pick one person I know that trumps all others…I don’t really think I can.


CW:   What makes you feel like you’re in your highest self?  


ML :   Usually when I’m …I don’t want to say “performing” exactly, but the feeling of happiness that comes from performing for other people. When I feel like I’ve created a moment of beauty, or special feelings in a person which, for the most part, has been when we’ve been out touring and someone will come up say something to that effect. Or when I’m just outside sitting, thinking about the next great, beautiful thing to make… and also during the polar opposite times, the times when I’m executing the ideas that come in the quiet moments.



C:  What is the experience like for you when you dance, when you’re just “in” your art (or one of your many arts)?

ML: When I dance, when I perform, I try to approach it from a very natural, sort of humble place.  I never really set out to try and dazzle people, but rather to make them feel comfortable around something that is, I think, often perceived as more than what it actually  is because there’s so much pageantry that’s sort of laid over the top of it… I guess trying to make that as comfortable, easy and warm to for people to absorb as possible.   Just so they can feel more than just stupefied by the rhinestone glare, or the piercing gazes.  So it’s something a little easier to take in and not quite so dazzling.



CW:   Do you have a daily spiritual practice or Code that you live by?

               ML:  No.


CW: How do you connect?


   ML:  Well, that usually happens when I’m able to be home in the garden. That’s huge for me. A lot of times when that isn’t my situation, it’s hard for me to connect. I would say that it’s easy to become disconnected when you’re racing around. When I travel,  and because I’ve been at it long enough to have been able to work with the same people multiple times,  I have the luxury of being able to choose  when I do or don’t take jobs.   These days just for the sake of my own state of mind, I usually travel with people who I know and love. It definitely makes me feel less worn out at the end of travelling, because it’s totally recharging and joyful to actually see friends when you’re on the road. I mean like these folks here (in Boston), I just met you guys for the few hours when we were in town for our show (Serpent Rouge)  last time , but I sure did like folks, so it was easy for me to say “yes I’ll come!” . But these days, usually if  I’m headed somewhere to work, I’m choosing to  be with people whom I’ve definitely felt a little heart-string pull  towards.  So at home, I connect… but I like quiet time in the garden, with the chickens, or in my workshop…my little house of treasure. On the road it’s gotten definitely better/easier because I’m with people that I’m happy with and comfy with.



CW: When you were a child, what did you want to be?



ML: Well, I wanted to be a Vet and have a horse ranch.  I unknowingly called it a horse “farm” back then. I didn’t really know what it meant to have a horse “farm”. I just knew I wanted a place that meant I got to have a lot of horses. As a kid, and well up into my early twenties, I pretty much spent dawn-to- dusk on horseback.  It’s funny now, because I still have a horse down in San Diego, and when I go see him, I reflect on how huge that was in my life.  In the summers we were totally MIA, just out of the ranch or in the box stalls but never out doing anything other than horses and hitting the hills.   Now that seems so far away, it’s crazy. When I’m there its like “I remember this…it’s so familiar.”  



CW: Do you think that is something you’ll ever go back to again?



ML:   I hope so…yeah. I really hope so. Right now it’s funny because when I get up on a horse its like,” I had better not break my arm; I’m under contract to be somewhere”.  It makes one timid. Contracts make you timid. You have to be careful with yourself all-of- a-sudden.   I hope I get to go back to it though.   For me, horses kind of go hand-in-hand with being out in the open and seeing far places.  




      CW:   If your wings were visible to the naked eye, what would they look like?

ML:   hmmm… I think more in the realm of hawk than faerie.  Probably earth-toned colors, a little bit of patterning, like banding, but also a lot of speckles with browns, grays, blacks…a little bit of white.

CW: Rad. That totally suits you.

ML:  Yeah…


CW:   What are your hobbies?

 ML: Gardening is a big one for me; plants have been big for years for me.  My dabbling has gone from orchids, to just herb gardening, to some vegetable gardening, depending on where I am in the moment.  The plant world and involvement with it is major.  I also do a lot of costuming, which at first was born out of necessity.  I do have some business with it, and generate some income with it, but there’s also this irresistible urge to just pick up stuff and sew one thing to another.  If I want to get away from all things Orientalist Belly Dance,   which happens you know…it kind of comes in and you throw it out and it comes back…then yeah,  something else involving hands whether it’s making toys, or  making useful things, like lamps,  out of found objects. I don’t really have fitness things as hobbies (I like to mill around and beach comb, but I don’t have anything really active). I’m more about making little things out of things.




CW:  In your opinion, what needs to happen in order for the world to be a better place?

  ML:  I think that communities need to reconnect a little bit. I feel like neighbors just don’t know each other anymore, and I feel like the more anonymity there is in communities, the more people can get away with a lot without being held accountable. I think families need to be more involved with families, and that communities need to be more connected with each other.  I think that the food industry needs a big overhaul, and I’m really glad that there seems to be a huge, new-found interest in smaller, local farming and farmers markets, but I also feel like, unfortunately,  a lot of that is more in the affluent neighborhoods where it’s a trend .However,  it would be nice if the interest in local farming lasts. Things can’t go on like they’re going on, so hopefully out of necessity, out of not being able to ship stuff (like lettuce from California up to Maine)  I hope that will just sort of begin to happen and  people will begin to find their way gracefully.   I also wish people would rethink what success is and aim more for sustainability than expansion. I wish people would  give themselves a little bit of time to enjoy things like music and art, and not always just nose-to- the- grindstone trying to go, go ,grow…being happy with what they’ve got so that they can make time in  life to explore things like kids ,  the arts and cooking …the fun stuff.

 

CW:   When you’re feeling stuck in your practice, what do you do to get unstuck?

ML:  Stop practicing.  I step away from belly-dance all the time. I’ll just not go near it for several weeks. That’s usually the best way for me to reset. I just walk away from it for a little while,  and do everything else,  like explore other forms of dance, so that when I return to it, I have  a few other movements in my pocket that refresh the dance,  so that I’m not going back to the old thing.  I would tell dancers that, because it keeps you excited about what you’re doing.  Usually I’ll turn away from it for a while and just look at other things. All of the new stuff  is what you take and put back in and it comes out in some form or another,   whether you’re adjusting your aesthetic a little bit, or adjusting your vocabulary of moves, or maybe the music that you’re sorting through that you might want to work with.   I also pour myself into playing instruments.



CW: What do you play?

ML:  Banjo. I’m a beginner, but I love it. I also play the Saw, which is totally an instrument, but you just kind of learn the technique and then  hopefully you have the ear for it and you can run with it, so that’s  fun.  I also grew up playing piano, so I come back to that…if there aren’t too many people in the house.



CW:  Who inspires you?

ML:     Usually the folks I want to pull towards me and collaborate with are the ones that inspire me the most. Devon Champlain inspires me a lot, because he’s kind of a powerhouse. Other friends like Zephira Dance Company… I mean those ladies are all so rad.  They all have kids, and they‘re all just people that are working and pulling it off. Zoe Jakes inspires me and Rachael Bryce of course.  All the artists that I’ve been lucky enough to work with inspire me.  We’ve all just gravitated towards each other…I know from my end, it was because I felt deeply inspired by them, both dancers and musicians. There are definitely people that make you want to be better. For me it’s pretty localized. It’s the people I know personally that I’ve wanted to work with and that make me want to “get with the program” and actually create something. 



CW: There are actual moves named after you that are basically foundational practice for ATS and Tribal Fusion dancers. Is it ever overwhelming to think about the fact that your particular style of dance has changed people’s lives in the dance world?



ML:  Yeah. It is.  When I started taking belly dance, I had never seen a belly dancer. I kind of had this random flash of “I’d like to take bellydance…I don’t know why” And I looked in the phone book in San Diego and didn’t see any listing for Belly Dance, so I was like “well, I guess that isn’t going to work, so never mind”.   Then, some months later, there was a community college catalogue that showed up and it had belly dance classes. They were cabaret.   I went there for a couple of months, and then Heather Stantz came into town. I had seen video footage of   Fat Chance Belly Dance. It was nuts and I thought it was great, but that style hadn’t made it to San Diego.  I wasn’t after it really, I just liked it.  I would never have moved to San Francisco to pursue Belly Dance, I just wouldn’t. But then Heather Stanz moved down there and we formed Urban Tribal Dance Company and…well I guess the point I’m trying to make is that I just sort of …tumbled into it. I love the style of it for its more Burlesque side.  I mean, it is technically early American Burlesque.   I love Burlesque that is steeped in some comedy, and I find Belly Dance to be comedic on some level for sure.  I hear so much seriousness surrounding Belly Dance, yet  I’m thinking of like, wearing these little numbers and walking out,  shaking around and totally being goofballs on stage, and so it is overwhelming  when people will come up and say “wow this really means a lot” because I’m thinking that it’s funny.  Not necessarily that I laugh at it, but it’s amusing to me  as its own form, and  I like the light side of it, I like to  have a good time with it more that process through it. Since I’m using it more as a play-thing, its really overwhelming when it completely affects some people.  I feel like I’m just having a good time.



CW: I’ve heard so many people refer to you as a “Tribal Goddess”…what does that feel like?

ML:  I just feels like “no no no no no…people…no.  We’re goofballs.”



CW:  Um…sure…goofballs that everyone worships.

ML:  (Laughing) yeah…its funny.  When we were  talking earlier about having one foot in and one foot out of things ( referring to previous conversation)  I’ve always felt that way about dance. Rachael used to always say “why don’t you just admit that you’re a belly-dancer?”   People would ask me what I do and I’d say “well I dunno… a little of this, a little of that. Sometimes I dance around. Sometimes I make some stuff. Sometimes I teach.”  And she would say “Are you kidding right now?  Why don’t you just own up to the fact that you’re a dancer and that you’re influential in a community?”  It’s hard to actually claim that, I guess, because I get nervous how serious and affected people get. It’s a lot of responsibility, or it feels like a lot of responsibility when people come up and they say “you totally influence me”.   Well hell, now I suddenly feel a little more responsible than just being some wing-nut out on a stage.





CW:   If you could make three wishes, what would they be?

ML: Health for my family and I. That people I love aren’t in pain.  That nobody is in pain.   I guess that’s enough.



CW:  If you had one super-power, what would it be?

ML: Flying. X-ray vision and stuff is cool, and so is knowing other people’s thoughts, but really...the coolest is flying, for sure.



CW:  where would you go if you could fly?

ML: Um… everywhere. Starting with maybe Chicago…I have no idea why.



CW:  What makes you righteously angry?

ML :  Factory farming.  I was also gonna’ say “shit- talking drama in artistic communities”, although I’m not sure it that makes me righteously angry. You end up feeling angry and defensive at first on behalf of whoever the target it, but then you just begin to feel bad for the person doing the shit-talking, because clearly  there is something going on there beyond their issue with another person.



CW: I think that’s something that artists and artistic communities need to hear.

ML: Yeah…too much time on some people’s hands.  If you’re a serious artist, aren’t you busy? Aren’t you too busy for that kind of drama? 



CW : What makes you profoundly sad?

 ML:  I guess just general meanness... I don’t’ like that so much.  Typical golden rule stuff is where it’s all centered. I don’t like it when people treat other people poorly.



 CW:  What makes you divinely happy?

ML: Usually a wood burning stove in a  really warm little  room , with a couple really good friends or a loved one, where everything’s kind of quiet, and just  the feeling of knowing that it really doesn’t get any better than that. Or when the first flowers you were working on start blooming, Or when you get to witness the fruits of your labor.  Just witnessing success of all your hard work and watching it pay off, whether it might be the literal fruits of your literal labor, or beginning a project and working through it and seeing its success in the end.





CW: what do you think is the greatest gift that dance has to offer?

ML: To Dancers or to people watching?



CW: Both

ML:   To the public, I think that it offers beauty, and I think that any time you’re able to put something beautiful out into the world,  its’ kind of your obligation to do so.  To dancers, I think everyone dances for their own reasons.  I would imagine on some level it’s fulfilling or people wouldn’t be doing it.  Whether it’s finding comfort in body issues, or being able to have a creative outlet where you might feel creatively stifled in another part of your life, or just being active or being with other dancers. Over the years it has seemed amazing, the variety of reasons that people find it and stick with it or do it.  It seems so deeply fulfilling to people. I think moving in space with the idea of creating beauty is huge for people, something that hopefully is contagious and makes people feel like they’re giving.



CW: So when you speak of being obligated to put out beauty in the world where you see beauty can be, what is the philosophy for you underlying that conclusion…what brought you to that?

ML:  Because there are a lot of not beautiful things in the world. I think people forget. We’ve been places on tour and it’s that thing I mentioned earlier where I’m thinking “hey let’s put on some costumes and dance around and have some fun! “  It’s just belly dance, it’s not a big deal. Then some random person will come up and say “what is this? I’m never going to forget this!” and they have stars in their eyes and  are so moved by the music and the dance… it’s amazing to watch their hearts just expand out of their chests, knowing that otherwise, there’s a good chance, especially in this country, that they would have just been at home watching TV, and if they’re watching TV ,  there’s a good chance they’re watching some lame reality show that’s all centered around people being  unhappy and being as ugly as they can be. No physically, I just mean the things people love to hate, you get addicted to looking at it. Instead, the experience we offer totally removes them from that place that seems so easy to be in because the whole world is like “look-at-it look-at-it look-at-it! Here’s where the money is!”  Our dance stops people and spins them out of “life is hard and the world is hard.” It shifts them into a place that reminds them of the way things can be.   Hopefully it inspires them to dwell in that realm a little more, instead of the other one.



CW: What do you use to keep yourself centered on the output of beauty? What is your check-point when you get into a dark or heavy place?

ML:  Usually picking up an instrument, or bringing in music, or finding one of my friends and asking them to play for me. I’m also really drawn to old things; antiques and old photos. Sometimes just flipping through things I find are beautiful. 



CW: What do you see as the biggest challenge facing our world today?

ML:    One side of it is the sort of prevalence of technology, like the internet and iPods. I think it disconnects people. It allows people to be separate.



CW: How can Dance help as a healing art?

ML: Usually, ideally, it pulls people together into a space where they are there, and in the moment. They are either participating in, or watching the dance. Either way they are involved in the beauty that is being created in the moment. My new pet-peeve is when you walk out on stage and you are ready to connect with your audience, and you look out and instead what you see is a bunch of people holding up recording devices and watching you, but through the screen, and its like “I’m right here!” And those videos end up getting uploaded to YouTube etc.   It’s just this bizarre thing, this strange obsession. I’m not sure if it’s people just wanting to say “hey I was here!”    I mean for one, It ruins the surprise for other people that you’re gonna’ go perform for if they’re like “oh yeah, I saw that on YouTube.”   So there’s that part. Even more than that is that it’s removing the feeling that things can be spontaneous anymore, that nothing can be right there in the moment. It always endures in its half-shell of a form in media somewhere….like in video on YouTube.  You can see a performance and feel like it was astounding, but if you watch it later on TV; it feels flat compared to being there.  You think “gosh, it sure didn’t feel that way when I was there, now it just feels kind of ho-hum.”   It’s really hard to pull people out of the digital- based reality and into the real reality of live people and live instruments on stage. Just the fact that you’re able to see a live music show anymore is such a gift; such a privilege, and then when they put up this barrier of some little robot thing between you and them it’s like “I can’t even connect with you now. I see your eyes, but you’re watching your tiniest TV. I could be looking you in the eyes and actually make this more meaningful for you but it’s not gonna work out that way…”   That’s my little soap box.



CW:  In a time when our planet is in such a high-crisis state, what would be the healing balm that women could bring to the world?



ML:   I guess the soft comfort that comes from women you know… just sort of providing healing and nurturing and comfort.



CW:  What’s the wisest piece of advice that you’ve ever received, or that you could give out…dance advice or otherwise? :

ML:     Look, it’s only Belly Dance. Just enjoy it.  






A Poem: BLUB




In a mind-sided aquarium,
Dad and I were talking.
70% of the Earth
is covered in this.
Surrounded by subterranean windows,
words ebbing and swelling
in the dance of elusive little fish.

Toxic
Is the pollution that comes
From not caring;
Vindicating
Is absolution
of love.
Phases of apathy mask
the fear of responding,
As below, so above.

One dolphin; a dream
One boat; a machine
One jellyfish; the wavering illusion.
And one strange, prehistoric creature
Half Plesiosaurus, half Lion,
Crazy from its containment
in the modern glass confinement.

There is nothing like the electric shock
That comes
From realizing a connection
So intense, so obvious
That it misses inspection.

DIVE IN

To the spheres of creation and
They bounce
And spread out among the tanks.

CONNECT THE DOTS;
Dogs to sea lions
Crabs to spiders
Water to air
Dolphin to human
Whale to something older
Snakes to snakes
Lobsters to scorpions
Sharks to primal power

And Sea Dragons to…
What?

There must have been
A land version at one time,
Because there is that plesiosaurus
With the head of a lion,
Thrashing about
In its attempt to get free,

Everything significant
Divisible by mystery.

Thirteen squares and a sea turtle’s shell;
Thirteen moons on the goddess’s wheel.
.
Lava Low to lighting high;
Mother earth and father sky.
Forest of redwood, cedar and pine,
To forests of kelp, seaweed and brine.

Moon pulls the blood of the womb and the sea,
in conversation my dad and me
Review the tanks with different points of view,
And where our minds don’t agree
Our eyes do…


Because we both see
The plesiosaur with the lion’s head.


There’s just no disputing
The fact that it’s there,
And neither of us can react
We just stare.
The implications of such a creature
Are so acute,
That there’s no room
For either of us to convolute.

Theory is faced with realization born,
And as I ask my father
If he believes in unicorns,
He turns and looks at me,
Half with a sigh,
But we both look up
And a Narwhal swims by…
I see realization
Dance into in his eyes.

As often happens in dreams,
The dissolution starts.
The Plesiosaur-Lion pivots and darts,
prismatic tanks pulling apart.
I want to run
But the need to leave feels bad
My stomach drops
I look at my dad
Who is now also in sections
And somewhere inside
I see my reflection

and

He and my mom and creation’s perfection
And imperfection,

Ebbing in and out
in the dance of elusive little fish,
And 70% percent of the Earth
Is covered in this,
And 20% resides in creation…
And the last 10% resides in the elation
Of the realization
Of the Plesiosaur-Lion.




Poem: Werewolves




I slew all the vampires I knew
Some recently, some a while ago
(one of them was you)
I honed skills readily
Now I execute defenses steadily


I stay away from vampires
And they’re easy to spot
Sucking on life’s essence
Auras smelling of rot
Stealing and pealing
And sucking you dry
You feel compelled to give
And give more
And you don’t know why
Nosferatu fangs and claws
Living outside the manageable laws

BUT

They are what they are
Never bothering with disguise
I’ve encountered all kinds
I can spot them a mile off
With well trained eyes
And they’re easy to spot



But the werewolves…

The werewolves are NOT.

They move in human  ways
Have human feelings
Play to play
Smell like fresh meat
Live, work, and love in heat
Play to play
And receive only to give back
With such sincerity of spirit
That it can’t be an act
Defined by passion
And the beating heart of the world
On which they have
Their hidden claws
So acutely on the pulse it
Always lends them the
Angelic glow
That renders them rather dulcet

To MY untrained eye anyway

Damned Werewolves.

They’re masters of Zen
Ever reigning the torrid beast in
Then Ready…Set…Pounce
And there’s not even and ounce
Of warning
Not a hint to seek shelter
As things fly helter-skelter
And teeth and fur and claws
Rip askew
The tame veneer
Even you couldn’t see through
And you’re searching
For expressions in eyes that in hue
Five minutes earlier
Were the skyest of blue and
NOW reflect
The more sanguine bits of you
As though they would taste
Quite nice in a stew
Except…forget the stew

You will do.

Willing or not.

Those BLASTED werewolves are
SO hard to spot!
Because most of the time
They seem so harmless
And not as if they
Need a chain mail  harness
But three days a month you wonder
If it’s all a lie
And the other twenty-eight
You wonder why you wondered why

Because lightning sometimes come from blue skies.

It’s truly not a lie
So maybe you just can’t train your eye
But those werewolves are SO DAMED HARD TO SPOT!
You can’t defend yourself
With plan or with plot

Thinking on them now
My stomach is in knots
Or no…I’m actually just kind of…hot
Come to think of it

I feel like of funky
A litter feverish and jumpy
Not the stomach-flu surely
Cuz I’m a little …hungry
Maybe I’ll just take bath and…
SHAVE? Again?
That’s the eleventh time in a row!
I’ll have to get new razors
To keep up with this growth
But I shouldn’t rant over
The bad genetics
That cause fast-growing leg hair

I’ll think I’ll eat before I go running

A Steak. Rare.

…Or maybe that guy over there…

I hope nobody sees me


Poem: Binary Classroom Sunburst Thing in my Brain


Binary Classroom Sunburst Thing in my Brain



How can I compete
With the gossamer verse
Of Ovid, Homer and Yeats?
A lyrical tongue,
Blessed with the ability
To sing Kepler’s harmonies
But never to wrap around and
Truly taste the finer eons-aged
Wine of the galaxy
At least not yet,
Not now
Not until I’ve been born into
A million skies
And felt the vibration of each star
Making electromagnetic patterns
On my skin
My mind,
Like a binary star
Sucking what I learn
From a the confines of a classroom
And a limited Earth-view
Knew knowledge mixing with old
Which mixes with collective
Ancient Intuition
Convecting, convecting
Connecting, correcting
Before grasping and
Finally projecting
With flashes of infinite clarity
At the force of 1,000,000 miles per hour
Collapsing under the weight of new realization
From a source 27,000,000 degrees
Too hot for me to hold on to for very long
Still
The rip is made
The burgeoning aurora in my mind
Largely protected
From the full force
Of what I seek to find
By the starkness of an earth-bound space and time
And from the flash
Through the crack
The star-dust settles
Crushed rainbow crystals
Sparkling in the enlightenment
Reflections of truth
And I can’t quite seem to hold onto
Kepler or Plato or Einstein for too long
Their theories like a never really forgotten song
From my childhood that I can’t quite remember
But the feeling stays
And the pull stays
Like gravity
Like a truth I found this one time
For five minutes
A puzzle exploded into a million fragments
That will take me forever to piece back together
It fades a bit
But glows steadily
The promise of another truth
Held in the small ball of angelic white
Stellar light
I pick it up
Truth the size of my pinky nail
Weighing eight tons
And I put it in my ear,
And it stays
A little nugget of flowing truth
From what I learned in class this year














Poem: What I know about Oysters


What I know About Oysters



What I know about most about oysters

Is that they taste good smoked and on crackers

Every year at Thanksgiving and Christmas

Amongst the savory, sweet , and delicious

Always there nests on of our favorite dishes

Ready with a plate of inconsequential crackers

Prepared for voraciously avid snackers

I could make an Alice and Wonderland reference here

But the best oyster poetry is served up with beer

I could speak of the wonders of pearls so pearly

But as jewelry goes , I think their quite tacky

The best qualities and oyster possesses

Are those that are snacky and on crackies

At least until recently

Cuz one time,

My cousin ate a bad tin

And as soon as oysters were in

They were out again

Spilling themselves in vomitrocious wonder

All over the floor

So now we don’t eat smoked oysters

On crackers anymore










Bathing: An Epicurean Pleasure and Pastime of Goddesses, Mermaids and Queens.


Bath.   Just the very word conjures up indulgent feminine fantasies and decadence of the highest order.   At the end of a long day (especially a long winter day in the Northeastern region of North America) who amongst us isn’t instantly seduced by the luscious prospect of sinking into a wonderland of fragrant suds, steeped in golden candlelight, while indulging in a glass of sinfully rich something-or-other?   If that doesn’t sound good, then you might be one of the unfortunate and under- nourished souls still carrying around memories of bad or boring bath-time blues.    Perhaps you have permanent phantom sensations of mom scrubbing too hard behind the neck, or nightmarish memories of being forced to share tub space with a wee sibling, only to find that they were actually wee little wee-ers ( and sometimes poopers), in the tub while you were innocently trying to play with your  My Little Ponies.  Or, perhaps you are a victim of the vile and inane rantings of a “shower freak”, i.e. someone who is afraid of taking a bath because they think it’s dirty.  You can identify them immediately because they spout silly phrases that smack of the following ideology:  “you can never really get clean in a bath” or “Why would you want to soak in your own dirt?”  To those under-gratified germaphobes, I will admit that if you’re talking about taking a soak in the local community tub at your gym, then yes, that might warrant a second thought (in general, but especially in flu season).   However, we’re talking about your own tub. Really? You can’t take a dip in your own tub?    How dirty do you believe you are, exactly?  Do you imagine that you’re so unreasonably grubby that the water of your bath would turn brown the minute you touched it?  This is highly doubtful.   If that is the case (EWWW and stuff) I have a solution for you:   Bathe more, not less!

That being said…

  Showers are great.  They are time-efficient and get the job done….but there is a time and a place. A shower is no replacement for a bath, as they serve entirely different purposes. If you have exactly twenty minutes to get out the door in the morning and you wake up smelling like frog poo, then yes, a shower is your best bet.  If you’re especially stinky or gross because you’ve  been working up a totally feminine and goddessified glisten whilst kicking in some teeth at your local fight club,  wrangling alligators, or mud-wrestling etc  (or if you’re just a lazy skuzz-bucket who never cleans your bathroom)  then  by all means shower down as a preemptive…but then wipe out your tub till it sparkles,  fill it with divinely decadent and delicious things and prepare to swoon.  If you’re still hesitant and worried about the dirt factor, try it anyway.  I give you my personal guarantee that unless you are living in a leper colony, you won’t die from spontaneous bath-dirt, especially if you scrub your tub first.  ( If you scrub your tub and you don’t live in a leper colony, and  you still see dirt or feel dirt and germs, then that’s called paranoid schizophrenia, which I incidentally believe that all shower freaks have, but  is not today’s topic.  Seek help though, because you’re ruining other people’s bath time with your loony ravings about invisible dirt.)

  It’s also worth mentioning that, historically speaking, bathing is rarely just about being clean (although that is clearly the practical application.)   At its most opulent and irreverent, bathing is about luxury, beauty, romance, hedonism and sex, all of which are awesome.   At its most sparkly and holy, bathing is about spiritual cleansing, connection to the divine, self-care, healing and sex, all of which are awesome.  It’s safe to say that, whether the intentions behind a particular bath are clean or dirty, bath-time is always sacred.  It is time taken out of ordinary time to slip into the realm of enchantment. It is time where nobody gets to bother you or talk to you, time where you get to escape into a world of no to-do list, no kids, no work, no roommates, no significant others (different bath, different blog) and no reason to think about anything other than how awesome bathing is.   Or…just…how awesome anything else that’s awesome is, that doesn’t involve you having to give energy to something that’s not awesome. The whole point of bathing is rejuvenation, whatever that means to you.  So when you step into a bath, make the commitment to yourself not to think about anything draining (no pun intended) for however long you’re in there.

 The health benefits of bathing have long been documented.    If you’re curious about those documentations, check out the turn-of-the-century book on the subject entitled The Curative Effects of Baths and Waters  by author Julius Braun. I haven’t actually read it, but it’s what came up when I was Googling to see if there were any books on bathing and health. Plus you can download it for free… I think…  Anyway,   according to more modern sources, current belief around bathing is that it is great for the muscles, skin and lungs, relaxing for the mind and rejuvenating for the spirit.  This is partially due to the fact that when we are submerged in water, we weigh nothing; therefore all pressure is taken off of the joints, bones and organs.  Bathing also improves lymphatic drainage, mood, sleep, calms hyperactivity in children, hyper-anxiety in everyone, and generally gives everything from tums to bums a good healthy glow.   Bathing is also wonderful for the social life. It has not only been touted as a healthy activity, but also as community builder, (i.e. the bathhouses of Rome, Greece, Russia and Japan).  This practice is still seen today in quite a number of cultures, including western culture (via hot-tubbing) and is a way to foster intimate communications and conversations while remaining in a relaxed, enjoyable atmosphere. 

 Bathing has also been the fixation of artists and voyeurs across the board.   Paintings and stories throughout different cultures and time periods all tell great tales of gods and goddesses, as well as mortals, luxuriating in their various bathing oases.   From Degas’s bathing beauties and Waterhouse’s nymphs, to the mermaids and maidens of Botticelli, Raphael and Renoir, images of bathing have captivated imaginations worldwide, evoking sensuality, mystery, mischief and lusty play.    Spiritually speaking, every religious icon from Aphrodite to Jesus has rocked the concept of the bathtub in such a way, that people line up in droves to bath in their names via bathhouses and baptisms.  To drive the point home to all the shower devotees out there, when the God Zeus fell in love with Princess Danae, he appeared to her in the form a “golden shower” (yup) in order to seduce her. A bit kinky for a virgin princess’s first time, n’est pas?   It’s not just horny gods and beautiful princesses being referenced here by the way, because I’ve heard that plenty of people pee in the shower.  However, nobody pees in the bath unless they’re under the age of four. So I ask you, shower- freaks, are showers really cleaner? Hmmm?

The point, ladies (and gents for that matter) is that there is no logical reason to miss such an elegant pleasure, such an affordable and affable treat, as a bubble-filled soak in zero gravity warmth. There is no excuse not to take the time to yield to something as available, sumptuously luxurious and adjective-sodden as your own bathtub.  The best part is, you don’t need to have a huge budget, or huge bathtub.  If you long to feel like a queen, but have the purse of a milkmaid, then the bathtub is your destination for the perfect fix.   Living in a house with no tub?  Rubbermaid makes giant storage containers that will suit just fine (some are even wider and deeper than average bathtubs! It’s weird, but it serves the purpose!)  While you’re at the hardware store (or wherever)   grabbing your new tub, also grab a few feet of PVC piping.  Depending on where you plan to stick your tub, it can be more easily filled by placing one end of the pipe at the mouth of the sink faucet, and aiming the other end into the tub, thus directing the water flow and temperature as if it were a bath faucet.  From space.  

There’s also no need for pricy bath products; just get creative.   In fact, some of the most lavishly sensuous bath products on the market are available in your own kitchen.  Like oranges? Throw the peels in your bathwater for a bright smell that will chase the winter blues away. Aside from that, orange oil is excellent for the skin and is a natural mood enhancer.  (If don’t have the budget for organic oranges, then just make sure you wash the rind with a good dish soap to get the pesticides off…or at least mostly  off).    As a matter of fact, all kinds of things have been used in baths throughout the ages and throughout different parts of the world. These include but are not limited to: chocolate (rejuvenating and skin tightening), wine,  vodka, sake (all of which are detoxifying to the pores and make them appear smaller) , milk (especially whole, purported to be deeply moisturizing and anti-aging)  tea (black and green are both anti-microbial, anti-fungal and anti-aging), fruit, flowers, essential oils, salts, crystals, coffee (detoxifying and anti-aging) , oats (typically colloidal oats, sooths irritated skin), various herbs, rinds and oils (coconut, olive etc.)  Not to mention the endless selection of bubbly things.   On a weirder note, and just for the sake of being gross-yet-educational in the name of bath time, the psychopathic Hungarian countess,  Lady Elizabeth Bathory  (coincidence? ), was told that bathing in the blood of virgins would keep her young.   Her obsession resulted in the death of nearly eight-hundred documented noble-born girls, and an unknown death toll of peasant girls (as they were peasants, therefore not human, therefore not worth documenting). Apparently nobody sent the Countess the memo about green tea… which incidentally is also great for the bath!  Blood isn’t, though. It’s just gross. It’s also illegal, so…no blood. (As a point of interest:  This freakish Lady was the inventor of the original iron maiden…but I digress.)

 Of course, if you have the means and you want to drop fifty bucks on high-end bath products, make sure to put your dollar where it counts. Spend on products with virtually no chemicals, preservatives, sulphites, sulphates or parabens or artificial gunk. Each pore of our skin (scalp included) is like a tiny little mouth that sucks up everything we put on it, including chemicals found in lotions, toners, make-up, toothpaste etc.  Those chemicals are then directly fed into our bloodstreams, which then causes bad things to happen to our body chemistry on multiple levels. Sure, it might cost a couple dollars more for the natural stuff, but better to pay more for organic and natural products…and save on potential future hospital bills from chemical poisoning and cancer!  If you’re someone who eats a totally whole and organic diet, but you’re still using artificial bath products, you can bet your stylish-yet-affordable boots that you’re still getting a chemical OD. If you have the money to spare, I suggest taking your sweet self over to the nearest LUSH store. These people not only have very fine and globally-minded ethics, but their  bath products are all vegitarian (from testing to taking it home) and the smells are knock-your-bloomers-off scrumptious! Some of their stuff is even priced peasant style…their bath bombs and bubble bath macaroons are ridiculous and can be used multiple times. Five bucks = five baths worth of yumminess.  If you don’t have a LUSH  around, you can order their stuff online.  If you simply can’t get to LUSH, then high-tail it to your nearest health food store and look for brands such as Dessert Essence, Weleeda, Aubrey, Eco-Bella, Love and Toast and a number of other delectable lines that smell like a tropical paradise rolled up in cake. Who the heck wouldn’t want to bathe in that?! (By the way…I am totally NOT being paid to endorse these products, I just really love them.  I also firmly believe that beauty doesn’t need to cost lives; either the lives of animals through horrid testing practices, or the lives of people by chemical poisoning.   Endorsing the torture of living creatures for cosmetics (or really for any reason)  is the opposite of beautiful, in my humble opinion.  So when choosing the things you put on your lovely self, choose wisely and with compassion. Even if you’re flat broke, there are plenty of cruelty free and chemical free options that cost the same (and in some cases even less) than the mainstream brands, and have a positive impact on personal and planetary health.

Almost as much fun as the bath itself is creating the proper bath atmosphere.  No goddess or mermaid would be caught dead bathing in bad lighting.  In the context of this post, baths are largely about beauty , after all. If you have horrid florescent lighting in your bathroom, then light a few candles and some incense, turn the light off and voila!  Instant magic!  By the way, if you’ve never observed your naked self, spanking pink from a hot bath and lit by candles, then I highly recommend it as a way to instantly feel instantly awesome!  If you are in a situation where you can’t have candles, then a strand of Christmas lights will do, and if you can’t afford that, then the dollar-a-dozen little fake candles will do.   On the other end, if you want to get totally elaborate and have the means or the creativity (or both) then your BATH-room can become a permanent haven.  Hanging plants, fresh flowers, fountains, rubber-duckies, crystals, tapestries, stereo, mirrors, multiple candles, decorations, paintings, vases full of awesome sparkly things, the possibilities are endless...and endlessly lovely.    So go ahead.   Take some sacred time for yourself to indulge in pure pleasure for pleasure’s sake.   Disrobe of your queenly attire, don your mermaid tail and dive into your tub… and may all the goddesses bless you in your endeavors!